When discussing our amends list with our sponsors, if we are open-minded, we can start to think about these kinds of situations in ways we haven’t thought about them before. In fact we usually discover that what we first thought was the obvious method of making amends, might not be right after all. You’ve probably already discovered that by staying clean and sober and by working the Twelve Steps of AA that things are getting better. Becoming a ”better person” means that we are less willing to engage in destructive behaviors, mostly because we are aware of how much they cost us in human misery. That self-centeredness is replaced by an awareness of other people, and instead of being indifferent, we begin to care.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to make amends to employers or co-workers. Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about. Another example is a substance or alcohol-addicted adult child who regularly steals money, jewelry, and other valuable items from their elderly parent’s home. However, they may suddenly feel guilty and decide to change their ways.

Renewal Center for Ongoing Recovery

It seems to sum up the relief from living amends and shame, the lessening of our obsession with “self”, and the increased ability to appreciate what’s really going on all around us. We may even start to think of our past as a gold mine of experiences to share with other people we’re trying to help in recovery, instead of as a period of darkness that we regret. We stop thinking about our lives in terms of what we don’t have and begin to appreciate the gifts that we receive every single day. And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps. When we do this this we gain a new perspective and the promises of the Ninth Step come true in our lives.

Is apologizing without change manipulation?

No matter how close you are with someone or good you think that person is, an apology without change is manipulation. That doesn't have to mean that you should remove that person from your life, though, nor does it mean that your relationship is unsalvageable.

If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives.


In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the https://ecosoberhouse.com/ closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children. Another example would be of a person who’s been a taker all their lives suddenly decides they no longer want to be self-centered and selfish. They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others.

  • There’s nothing more I can do, and taking on other people to protect would not be the absolution for which I was searching.
  • Step Nine is that biggie step, the one we likely have created some anxiety over because it involves making amends.
  • At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs.
  • Before you decide who to approach and how you intend to make amends, reflect on your efforts at recovery and the intent behind making amends.
  • Positive reinforcement is a great motivator to practice the spiritual principle of forgiveness as much as possible.

If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help. Call us or fill out our online contact form today to get started.

Jun 13 Living Our Amends

These changes can positively impact the people you love and care about. What happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure. But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways?

Sure, it promotes goodwill and mended relationships, but not always—and that is okay.

Making Amends with Family

Teasing out the difference between guilt and regret can be tough. Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. As understandable as it is to feel guilt and shame about your past sexual behaviors and the deception that went with it, you still have inherent worth. David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning. In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother.

California Reparations Task Force – Santa Barbara Independent

California Reparations Task Force.

Posted: Wed, 15 Feb 2023 17:28:52 GMT [source]

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